Love Me Not Read online

  I sighed as I sat back against the bed frame. Why would she talk to me? I was just her goddam gigolo.

  I turned to the next page and stared at a blank sheet for a while.

  There wasn’t much real life to write about, so I started a new story. The premise was vaguely a young man determined not to become schizophrenic like his mother. If that wasn’t pulling from real life. But actually, I never worried about that—it was Penny who was terrified of turning out like Mom. I wasn’t sure where I’d go with the story, whether he’d succeed and become a successful psychologist, or fail and end up in a psych ward. Maybe he’d think he was a doctor—I’d make the reader believe it, until the very end when I show it was all a delusion and slap the reader in the face with the truth.

  Not that anyone else would ever read it.

  I escaped into the story for a few hours. Then my eyes started to droop. I made myself get up and replace the notebook to its place under the bed and then grabbed the afghan. I didn’t like sleeping on silk, but the beat-up old afghan was hardly sexy. So, I hid the blanket under the bed and only pulled it out to sleep. My mother had made it while she was in the psych ward. It made me think that maybe she’d been thinking about Penny and me. It was probably just some project they made her do.

  In the morning, I woke early. I probably should’ve slept in on the weekends, since business was slower then. All of my customers were off with their families, doing whatever it was rich people did with their weekends.

  Still in my jeans and T-shirt, I went down the hall to the employee break room. There was usually something for me to eat—if that idiot Shane hadn’t eaten it yet. Penny bought yellow apples specifically for me, yet they always seemed to be gone before I could get to them. He wasn’t even supposed to be in the back hall.

  Sometimes I hated my position here, the way I had to mix with Penny’s employees. I had to be so damn careful. I wondered if they had any idea of what I did, why I was always here and rarely helped out front. Penny made sure no one ever saw money exchange hands. I didn’t trust anyone other than Penny.

  She took me in after Cassie died. She pissed me off sometimes, but she’d earned my loyalty.

  I closed the refrigerator door. Not dick for food.

  I went back to my room, put on my shoes, and walked out the back door in search of something to eat. Most places were closed this early, except maybe some of the fast food restaurants. We needed a twenty-four-hour Walmart within walking distance. I had to walk to everything. I couldn’t very well have a car parked out back at all hours.

  By the time I returned, Penny was there. I’d figured she would be and stopped to get her a coffee from Starbucks. For me, McDonald’s coffee was fine. I walked in the front so I’d look like I’d just arrived, and so I could hand Penny her coffee as I walked through the shop.

  Of course, Shane the dick was here already. How unusual that he was early. Penny was talking with him by one of the glass displays in the middle of the shop. I figured I’d leave her coffee on the counter and then disappear into the back.

  Then his tone caught my attention.

  “I know what’s going on,” he said as he nodded in my direction, “with your brother.”

  “With my brother?” Penny said it mockingly. She was good at covering shit up, lots of practice.

  I knew he couldn’t prove anything—my clients weren’t about to talk. I stayed in the room anyway to hear him out, to make sure Penny was all right.

  She glanced back at me, reminding me she hated when people didn’t let her handle things.

  I shrugged, left her coffee on the counter, and walked into the back hall.

  But I stayed by the door and listened just in case.

  “I know he lives here,” Shane said.

  I smirked. He was threatening her with that knowledge?

  “First, why would my brother live here?” Penny said. “And why on Earth would you care?”

  “That landlord’s a stickler.”

  “And?”

  “He wouldn’t like it if—”

  “I have a lease for this space. It’s none of his business what I do with it.”

  Damn, she was a good liar.

  A long pause.

  “You’re fired, Shane.”

  “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  “You’re trying to threaten your boss. What did you think was going to happen?”

  “Bitch.”

  Footsteps and glass breaking.

  “Heath,” Penny called.

  I walked out. Shane was in her face, pushing her up against the display. I was across the room in seconds. I grabbed his arm and yanked him away from her, dragging him toward the door.

  “Fuck, man,” he said. “I’m so gonna sue you.”

  “You assaulted my sister.” I whipped him around and grabbed his shirt. “Do you really think I give a shit what you’re gonna do?” I wrapped his shirt around my fists, ready to throw him.

  “Heath,” Penny said.

  I let go of his shirt and smoothed it. “Get the fuck out.”

  He glared as he tugged his shirt back into place. Then he left.

  I turned at the sound of crying. Penny was rarely emotional. I couldn’t remember the last time I saw her cry.

  I pulled her into a hug and held her.

  Within a few seconds, she pulled herself together. “I’m all right.”

  I didn’t let go. “What’s wrong?” She was one to get pissed about a scene like that, not cry about it.

  A long pause. Her breathing evened out.

  “Penny.”

  She took a breath. “You stood up for me.”

  I looked down at her. “Of course.”

  “It’s just that, um…I can’t remember anyone ever…”

  “I always will,” I said. “I promise.”

  She smiled a little. Then she pulled away and bent over to pick up a couple bottles of scented spray that had fallen and broken. At least the display itself looked unharmed, other than being shifted a bit. If he’d broken her new custom shelves, I would’ve had to pull her off him.

  I kneeled next to her. “Be careful. I’ll get a broom.”

  She rolled her eyes, back to my same old Penny. My defending her was the closest I’d felt to her in a long time. And I realized what part of our problem was. Our dynamics had changed. I didn’t need taken care of anymore, and she didn’t allow anyone to take care of her. We stood straight on our own, like goal posts. At least one of us had to lean to get closer to the other. She didn’t know how to lean, and I was done leaning.

  Chapter 4

  The Girl With Auburn Hair

  “Crap,” Penny said as she dumped shards into the trash behind the counter. “He was the only one I had scheduled today, and it’s too late to call someone in.”

  “I’ll help,” I said.

  “Right.” Then she shook her hand and pulled her breath in through her teeth.

  I took her hand and gently pulled the shards out. “I told you to be careful.”

  “Whatever.” She walked around the counter over to the jumbled display shelf. She shifted it back into place and started arranging the bottles.

  “Damn, you’re a stubborn woman,” I said. “Just throw the ‘help wanted’ sign in the window and let me help for today. I only have that one appointment.” Sometimes it struck me as ridiculous that we called them appointments.

  “But it’s a long one.”

  “And not until six o’clock.”

  I almost said, I’m a guy—I’m never too tired to fuck.

  “And it’s two,” she added.

  That didn’t help her argument. Screwing two women at the same time was double the fun. Sometimes they were friends who wanted the feeling of an orgy in a safe environment, and sometimes they just wanted to split the cost. I didn’t let Penny charge extra for doubles.

  I took the “help wanted” sign from behind the counter, hung it in the window, and then grabbed a nicer shirt from my room, a plain
white button-down, the one I’d worn to Cassie’s funeral.

  A few hours later, I was still helping women buy scented bath oils and lotions—and doing a damn fine job. I knew I was doing exceptionally well when Penny rolled her eyes. I grinned at her tauntingly while I helped the woman I was assisting carry her purchases to the counter. After ringing the woman up, I returned to the sales floor.

  “Is this made with natural ingredients?” a woman asked as I passed.

  I glanced around to make sure she didn’t have a man with her—good idea before flirting commences. Learned that the hard way.

  No men in the shop, except me.

  “Honestly,” I said, “I don’t know all the technical stuff.” I moved a little closer. “But I know this scent is amazing on a woman.”

  “Is that so?”

  I grinned. “Yes.”

  “Well, I’ll just have to try it, then.” She reached for the matching lotion and body wash.

  I didn’t know why so many different products were necessary to…The door opened, and a woman walked in.

  All I could do was stare.

  Her hair was like the reflection of autumn leaves on a pond. It flowed over her shoulders, and she tucked it behind her ear as she walked. Her neck was creamy white. I wanted to kiss it, to see if it tasted like cream. The freckles across her cheeks and nose made her look like she was smiling, though she wasn’t. I wanted to see where else she was freckled, taste each one, like sprinkles on ice cream. It’d been awhile since I had ice cream.

  I saw so many women, beautiful women. They undressed in front of me, slept with me, sighed my name…but none of them made me feel like this, off balance, warm, out of my mind.

  She walked right past me—and didn’t look at me. Her scent was something flowery, not rose, maybe gardenia mixed with body chemistry that smelled like home, a home I didn’t know but wanted to.

  I glanced back. Her ass was tight, nicely curved but firm. Maybe she jogged or did yoga. She had to do something to look like that. Bodies like that didn’t occur naturally, at least none that I’d seen, and I’d seen a lot. But she wasn’t like some of the women around here, not over-tanned and body so hard it was like kissing a boulder. She’d be soft to the touch, yielding to my lips.

  Fuck, Heath, what’s wrong with you?

  I forced my attention back to the woman in front of me and smiled at whatever she was saying.

  Then her words came back into focus. “So, how would you know what smells nice on a woman?”

  I winked. What was I supposed to say? I’ve screwed several dozen women who wore that scent, and it turned me on? I didn’t think that would help my cause.

  “Well,” she said, “it seems to do something to you.” She glanced down at my crotch.

  I realized I was hard, like a fucking petrified tree trunk. My smile crawled over my lips like a panther on the hunt.

  “So, do you come with the purchase?” she said.

  “Depends.”…on how much cash she gave me.

  While I led her up to the cash register, I fought not to look at the auburn-haired girl now talking with Penny at the other end of the counter.

  I rang up the woman’s purchases, and she handed me a card.

  Then she laid two one hundred dollar bills on the counter.

  I slipped them into my pocket. “So, how did you hear about us?”

  “Jane Murphy.”

  “Lovely woman.”

  “I’d been thinking about it, and then I heard you were working the shop today. I figured I could get a nice look at the merchandise.”

  I smiled. “We only carry quality.”

  “That’s quite apparent.”

  “Thank you.” From the locked bottom drawer, I took Penny’s tracking book. I flipped to the “M., Jane” page. The name on the woman’s credit card matched number three on Jane’s list of referrals. One and two had already made appointments.

  Penny insisted on the list. It helped protect us. I only slept with women who’d been referred by one of my more trusted clients.

  I flipped to the front of the book, which was where my schedule was, and turned it around so she could see it better. “Would you like to be on our mailing list?”

  She wrote her name in on Tuesday afternoon.

  I put the book away and closed the drawer. While I bent down to lock it, I glanced over at the auburn-haired girl. What in the hell was she talking to Penny about for so long? It obviously wasn’t about an appointment. Penny would’ve come to get the book. Damn.

  I stood straight and smiled at the woman in front of me. “We hope to see you again soon.”

  “I’m sure you will.” She took the bag filled with her purchases and walked away.

  Now to think of a way to talk to the girl without letting Penny see how attracted I was.

  Shit, Heath, what are you doing? How many times had I told Penny I wasn’t interested in dating? Penny used to ask me all the time. It drove me nuts. She used to worry I’d eventually want something different, that I might eventually want to get married again. A year ago, the idea was preposterous. Several years ago, it literally made me ill. Now it was less of a choice and more that this was just the way things were. I slept with women—I didn’t date them. I had no right to get any more involved than that. I was good at fucking, and I was incapable of getting anyone pregnant. This life was ideal for me.

  At least that’s what I told myself.

  I walked away from the counter, away from the beautiful girl. I had no right to talk to her when I had nothing to offer. And why would she want to talk to me? I had no house, not even an apartment—not even a damn car. And what would I tell her I did for a living? My cover was that I worked in the back of the shop—yeah, that would be impressive.

  I tried to push these stupid thoughts away. I don’t give a shit what people think, no one. I didn’t get into relationships. The only thing I should be hoping for with this girl was for her to pay me to screw her.

  There was a woman at the front of the store browsing massage oils. I went over to make more sales, either for the shop or for me, whichever.

  To that woman, I sold $50 in bath oils and a few skin care products. And to the next woman, I sold $300 worth of time with me.

  Then I went back out to sell some more.

  “That’s a good seller,” I told the next woman. I wasn’t really sure, but it sounded like a good thing to say.

  Her smile was a little bashful. She was probably the kind of woman who didn’t usually accept help from salespeople, but I could tell she was enjoying my attention.

  “Oh, um,” she mumbled as she put the lotion back on the shelf. “I don’t know.”

  Didn’t know what? I didn’t understand why women got so nervous. But I did understand how to help.

  I leaned closer, brushing my chest across her arm, and picked up the lotion. “I’ll bet this would smell nice on you.” I lifted the cap and breathed in the scent. “Definitely.” I took her hands and placed the bottle in them. I spoke as if it was a secret, while touching her hands. “You know, men like soft skin on a woman.”

  She was staring at me. I wasn’t sure if she was breathing.

  With a smile, I turned to walk away.

  As I passed one of the displays, I almost ran into someone—the girl with auburn hair.

  Chapter 5

  The Blonde And The Brunette

  “Very smooth,” the auburn-haired girl said with a grin.

  “Sorry.” What in the hell was wrong with me? I was trying so hard to ignore her that I almost ran into her.

  “Not for almost mowing me down,” she said. “I saw you talking to that lady.”

  I tried to yank my charming smile into place. It wouldn’t quite form. What the fuck, Heath, you’re nervous?

  “You must be salesman of the year,” she said. Her hair looked amazing in the sunlight—the color had depth like rubies.

  “I do all right,” I said.

  “I’ll bet.” Her smile was a touch lop
sided, like it was unbalanced, heavy on wit, light on snide. “I shouldn’t keep you. There’re lots of women yet to be flirted with.” She took a step away.

  I touched her hand, and she looked back.

  “Nice to meet you,” I said. “I’m Heath.”

  “Kimber.” She didn’t pull her hand away.

  “That’s pretty.”

  “Of course it is.” She spoke quieter. “Don’t waste your skills on me.”

  I made direct eye contact. “It’s not a waste.”

  She paused for maybe a couple seconds, just long enough to let me see my charm was starting to work.

  “So, where’d your name come from?” I said. It wasn’t one of those questions I asked just to seem interested. I was interested.

  “Nice to meet you, Heath.” Her eyes flickered to our hands before she walked away.

  I almost held on to her hand, stopped her from leaving. But I could never do that. I couldn’t remember the last time a woman had walked away from me like this.

  I watched her leave, the fluidity of her stride, as if the flow of her hair extended through the rest of her, touched each of her movements with grace, even her wit.

  The conversation, no matter how short, was fun, by far the most fun I had talking in a long time, at least a couple years. She disappeared from the view from the front window, and I tried to remember what I was doing.

  Right, selling bath products, most of which I didn’t understand. What in the hell was a bath bead?

  I glanced over at Penny to see if she’d noticed. If she had, I hoped she’d just chalk it up to my flirtatious sales style. She seemed occupied with ringing up a customer, the woman I’d talked to a few minutes ago. She bought the lotion.

  I made several more sales, both for the shop and myself. I started to get the feeling word had gotten around that I was working the front today. Just like Jane’s friend, several more referrals came in. They all made appointments. Some made multiple appointments.

  Penny came over when I finished accepting payment from one of those appointments. “It’s five. You should get ready for your six o’clock.”